They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You left your phone here
Wait...
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