there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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