I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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