Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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