I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
