epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize