im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
