sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I color on your dick again?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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