So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
