Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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