Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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