It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
