Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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