Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
