yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
