dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
