It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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