If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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