She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
