K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
