I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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