Having a random hookup so left but love u
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize