she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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