The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
