My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
