Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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