you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Come see our sink grown plant.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
