Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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