grandma shit on top of the toilet
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
