I must be too annoying 4 u.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
