when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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