He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
