one two three fourrrrnication!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
