Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
