I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
