How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
