there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
