Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
