he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
