She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
