I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
