We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
