I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
