last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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