Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
