it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
