walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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