she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
