Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
