Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
