im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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