Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
