So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
