Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
