fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
