ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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