I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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