I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
