Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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