If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
