So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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