I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
