3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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