Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
