Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
