I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
