Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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