I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize