I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
