the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
