after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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