Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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