I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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