People in love make me want to vomit
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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