I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
