My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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