he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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