drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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