ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
